May 28, 2004
Love in the Workplace – What Do We Do?
First before you even think about getting involved with someone in your workplace, consider some small historical facts such as the little workplace flirtation that ended up getting a President of the United States impeached – Causing a king to abdicate his throne and, not to mention a few major empires that were toppled in the name of love. Getting involved with a co-worker, or an employee can have serious implications – do not enter into this relationship lightly. (*note: adulterous affairs and repeated casual flirtations are not included in this discussion)
We live in a time of hurry and in many ways, isolation; getting on a train, driving into work, hustling among the crowded sidewalks, all in essence, pretty much alone, morning after morning. Americans are hard workers, putting in many more hours in the average workweek than some other cultures – so it’s late, you repeat the journey leaving work, but the crowds have thinned and you arrive home to your routine. If you are single it is generally alone. We are marrying later in life so there goes the chances of meeting and marrying while in high school or college, and so goes the daily routine for many of us, leaving the people we meet in the ordinary course of our work as the prime targets of our attraction – not unusual then if you are making eyes at someone in the next cube or office. In an Internet survey of 966 participants, 59 percent had had a workplace romance. Now having said that, chances are if you are engaged in workplace relationship logic is not the guiding principle that got you involved in the first place. So lets start there – you are in love and you have been sneaking around seeing each other trying to keep it a secret from other co-workers, and perhaps superiors. What are you going to do, what should you do?
Find out if your company has a policy on such relationships and then find out exactly what that policy states. Many organizations may feel that the personal relationships of their employees are simply none of the company business – others may take a harder approach. But both will readily agree that workplace relationships can have far-reaching and negative implications, and can be costly. Most employers also know that men and women – all people, will get together – it is inevitable, and entirely predictable..
According to Paul C. Buchanan, Chair of Stoel Rives LLP Labor & Employment Group, “By some counts, 50 percent of sexual-harassment lawsuits arise out of workplace relationships that started out as consensual. And workplace romances can lead to other legal complications as well, including perceptions of favoritism (that later become discrimination lawsuits) and conflicts of interest.” More of the down side; consider the consequences if one of the partners in the relationship is a supervisor to the other; co-workers may feel threatened once the relationship is known, causing dissention and a loss of productivity. Certainly a security compromise can happen regarding the type and level of access to information by the partners, this would naturally be of significant concern to the company. And none of this takes into consideration the disruption caused by speculation and gossip by staff members, and the demands of the relationship itself on the two partners just to find those “stolen moments”.
So, if you find yourself engaged in such a relationship –Work within the framework of your company policy – if there is a strict rule, request formally that you be allowed to comply with the rule through department transfer or other consideration. In all cases be open and honest with your employer. Once you have made clear that there are no issues with your employer then address your co-workers.
Let them know in a tasteful way – such as inviting them to happy hour or some other setting outside the workplace, let them see you together, and tell them simply, “We have been seeing each other outside of work and we would like you to learn this from us.” You owe them nothing more than this courtesy, hopefully it will put all speculation to rest and be done with it.
Then mind your manners and sense of propriety at work at all times, in all circumstances. No groping, no stolen kisses, no hand holding, absolutely no playing footsie, passing notes, or emails. No sexual innuendo in any way, neither verbal, by gesture or by look.
Remember, you are in the workplace to solve a problem for your employer, not to enhance your social life. Be professional and respectful of your company’s mission, reputation, and productivity.
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Leta Verhulst, M.A.
Sr. Campaign Manager
Chandler Hill Partners, Inc.
A Career Advancement and Job Search Company